I hate heat. I'm sitting here, mere inches from my feeble air
conditioner, and still, it's too hot. I'm just too obdurate for my
own good, I know. That is truly the source of my dislike for
heat: You cannot escape it. Coldness is easy to remedy. One
just needs to move around, put on more clothes, get out of the
wind, etc. And it doesn't cost you a cent to do any of those
Heat, though, cannot be escaped so easily. Sure, one can get out
of the sun. But only a timorous heat does that stultify. To truly
stop the heat, mechanical intervention is required.
It's a beautiful thing. It placates the beast inside. It also costs
money. Money that could be spent on world peace. Or video
games. But no, no. Now we need to spend $300 on a box that
makes air molecules move around a bit slower than they used to,
and, paradoxically, circulate those same molecules around the
room at a higher rate of speed than would occur naturally.
And while I may extol the joys of air conditioning, just breaths
after reviling it's costs, one should not forget a more comfort-
independent criticism of the air conditioner: for every room
cooled, some rather large amount of electricity is consumed.
Electricity produced by the heating of water via coal, oil, gas, or
even atomic energy, all of which produce harmful byproducts.
So I say it is time to cast aside our craven lack of mobility and
depart for more temperate climates, before our deleterious use of
energy enervates our poor environment even further. And, if that
is too much to ask, then I'll settle for an anonymous gift of a
nice large air conditioner. Don't worry about where to send it;
UPS knows who I am. Just tell them to send it to that
periphrastic misanthrope in western Mass.
©2001 Alan Robinson (firstname.lastname@example.org)